You know, every now and then when you are a practicing Christian, sometimes, you just gotta laugh at some of the things you hear from churches. Now, I am not trying to mock anyone, nor accuse you of being fake. However, this is rather a short comical story we can all relate to on some degree.
So, there is this 70-year-old woman with three grandchildren who went to church every Sunday. It was 7 AM one Sunday morning, and it was the pastor’s 50th year preaching youth ministry.
While she is cooking some good old fashioned chocoloate pancakes that her mom used to make for her as a little kid, she flipped around her Bible to Psalms chapter 91. As she sang Amazing Glace in her most soft-spoken voice, her two-year-old was throwing a tantrum while fighting with her brother over who would get the last pancake.
“No, I want the last pancake, and that’s final!” She screeched while banging the bedroom wall. Then, all of a sudden, the fire alarm was blaring for five minutes straight. And the grandmother said, “Get your house-burning hand away from me, Satan!”
Then, the eleven-year-old granddaughter came up and said, “Gramma, you do realize you burnt your own breakfast? Why you waistin’ time rebuking the devil when he got better things to do than burning your creamy chocolate pancake?”
“Mm-hmm. He know dang well I can’t miss that celebration today,” Grandma replied.
Lesson: Give Satan (and God) Credit When It is Due
Sometimes, out of fear or a lack of solid and sound discernment, we often blame God and/or Satan for our own human failures. Through this short comedy, we learn the value of accepting responsibility for our own wrong choices, and accept the conseques that follow. In this example, the elderly churchgoer was attached to her Bible Study while neglecting family responsibilities (in this case, making breakfast and dealing with the sibling rivalry between her two grandchildren.)
Another mistake she made was to pioritize the pastoral celebration while neglecting the object of worship: Jesus Christ. Because of this, the grandmother had a counterfeit picture of Satan and Jesus simultaneously. Jesus, in her mind, was like Santa Claus (who gave her everything she wanted for her own gain), while her version of Satan was nothing more than a cartoonish Grinch who always ruins her own selfish plans instead of a spiritual enemy who sabotages God’s plans of salvation.
This comedy actually paints a picture of the condition of the American church. The church is not a place of spiritual growth; it is a place where little religious brats can cling to their pastor to bottlefeed them with a blessing for every donation they make. But, when things go wrong, either God or Satan gets the blame, when they chose to remain entitled and cling to a false version of spirituality.
As my dad says to me and my sister: Money does not grow on trees. It’s the same thing with a blessing. Blessings are supposed to be rewards for our diligence to God, and for being obedient to what He talls us to do, not for selfish pleasure and entertainment.