Most of the time I write here to bring God’s message to anyone who would enjoy reading it or maybe someone who was searching for His message. Right now however I am living with a conundrum of sorts: feeling alone even when I’m at home or at church. It doesn’t matter where I am really. This feeling hits in a way that most people don’t notice it which makes the feeling even worse because it is like I don’t exist.
So…what can I do about it? Other than read some chapters in Psalms and pray about my situation…my feelings, I really don’t see any possible cure or treatment because no one besides myself even notices that anything is bothering me. If I tell them how I feel, all I usually get is a look that says “So?”. To put anyone’s mind at ease who might actually care I am not considering suicide, even though it does cross my mind quite often.
I have had these feelings since high school so this isn’t an “age related” problem. This has been with me for over forty years. Although most people never notice it regardless of how close we might be. It isn’t anyone’s fault because the feeling will go away for a while and then some days it comes back so hard until I feel as if I’ve lost a close friend or family member and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I know…not like a man to admit something as insignificant as a feeling that can do such a thing. If you don’t want to know how I feel some days, then don’t read this.
Thankfully, this doesn’t happen every day but there are days that it comes and it won’t go away for a week or two. When that happens I just try to glaze over it and keep it to myself since I can’t afford to go to some “mind doctor”. I do want to take the time here to thank those of you who might have read this far. God is still in control regardless of our feelings or the outcome of an election or even a pandemic. All of us will get through this one way or another. I am still keeping my eyes glued to the sky each time I go outside just in case I see the sign of the cross or something that isn’t caused by natural weather.
Praise God for all of your gifts and your blessings because He does give graciously.